To God be the Glory

I've had an odd thought for some time. If I were written into the Bible, what would it say? So many people in the Bible get one line. Of course, this means there is so much of their story we never know. What if the rich young man in Mark 10 became a follower later on? What happens in the rest of Bartimaeus' life? Do Mary and Martha experience Lazarus' death later in life again? Do either of them falter?

There are so many things we don't know, especially when it comes to these people who just get one line. So at times, I've wondered... what would be written about me? Would it be my conversion story, where my eyes were opened to how my faith was dead since I continued to live my life for myself, and not experiencing a transformed life of service to Christ? Would it be when I sold most of my belongings in response to conviction I felt from the story of the rich young man in Mark 10? Or would it be one of the multiple times in the years before that moment where I read that same passage and wondered to myself "could I give up my belongings? Would I make that choice?" but then moved on without answering the question, too afraid to submit everything to God?

Would my one line be one of my best days or one of my worst? 

This is a sobering thought when I consider some of my worst days. 

My husband and I have been married over 10 years now. For him, those years have been filled with numerous physical ailments and intense suffering that has no answer, and a difficult job where he has been mistreated, wrongly maligned, sued, hated, persecuted, and even sabotaged. Yet he has stayed in his position at his company, knowing that God wants him to stay in this place each time I ask him about it. 

For some time now, my husband's suffering brings Job's suffering to my mind, suffering one thing after another, emotional, physical, mental, spiritual pain and hardship. After all the tragedy strikes Job, his wife gets one line. Here it is:

Then [Job's] wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” - Job 2:9

Did she have better days? Who knows. If she did, they weren't written about. We don't know if she loved God before this, or if she eventually repents. We know Job mentions her in Job 19:17 and it seems that she still has abandoned him at that time. Job is alone except for his three friends, who aren't a good support for him either. 

Sometimes, I would tell my husband that although I wouldn't tell him to curse God, I sometimes felt frustration about his situation that made me wonder how he could "hold fast his integrity" and not lose patience, still trusting God's will. Other times, I would joke with him saying, "At least I haven't said 'Curse God and die!'" in response to his suffering. 

My husband never saw me as Job's wife. He says God doesn't see me that way either. But it remained in the back of my mind - always wondering if there was a circumstance under which I would say the same thing as she did. 

From time to time, I would ask my husband how much longer he would continue working for people who treated him in the way that they did, and he always said he was waiting on God, and serving God through his job. Other than continuing to grow him and me in patience and forgiveness and providing for us financially, I couldn't see what God could possibly be doing there. Sometimes, I thought maybe my husband was just being complacent or not wanting to make waves.

But then, recently, God made it clear to me that He did place my husband in that position. I still don't know all the reasons why, in fact, I don't even know what very many of His reasons are. Yet while thinking about his faithful suffering all these years, I realized - I have been like Job's wife in my heart. I have hated seeing him suffer at his workplace. An occupation I have often told him to “curse and quit.” I told him, "forget it, can't you just leave? It's too hard." Especially when that suffering would impact me - like when he was burnt out from work and our time together was affected. 

Job's response to his wife, however, is convicting. Should we receive good from God, and not receive hardship? Evil? Not that God initiates evil, but in Job’s case He allowed it. And God is not evil for allowing it. 

God put my husband in this position. He has His reasons. Should I receive good from God and not receive evil? It was clear I needed to repent of my attitude. I had not just been ungrateful, I had been openly angry, dismissive, and hostile toward his job. I know why. It’s the source of much of his suffering, and I believe has taken time with him away from me and my children.

I take heart in the fact that one day, we will be restored and whole, and he will no longer suffer. We will be completely fulfilled and will have no shortage of time to spend together with each other and with Jesus. It will all be more than worth it. In this life, however, we aren't promised a comfortable or happy life - in fact, if we follow Jesus, he told us "in this life, you will have tribulation." God loves to give us good gifts of all kinds, to be sure, but His goal for us is not happiness. 

I started to think of another scenario. If I were a third-party observer of Jesus' arrest, torture, and crucifixion, would I not have told Jesus, “why are you accepting this evil? Why are you willing to die for these evil people?? Just curse them and die a painless death.” But He took it all on. He took on the scorn, the pain, the betrayal, the abandonment, the false accusations and the vitriol. From the very people He took it all for.

My husband, like a smaller ripple copying the bigger ripple, has experienced a lesser version of these same things. And he often has willingly taken on this suffering. And I have countered in my heart and sometimes aloud what amounts to “curse them and quit.” 

Soon after, I started to think again about this question I stated at the beginning: If I were written about in the Bible, what would it say? It's a hypothetical question, of course, but I realized it would be entirely possible for me to have one line, and for it to reveal some of the worst about me.

But instead of feeling disappointed by that likelihood like I normally would have, I felt content. Not content about how I had failed, but content even if the whole world would know. If it were my "one line" in the Bible. Because as I thought about all those written about on every page of the Bible, I kept thinking about how every story, every page, every line brings God glory. And although I will repent and do my absolute best to listen and follow in every situation, I do not have to live in shame for what God has forgiven me for, because through my failings and despite them, God will bring good. I may have wanted my hypothetical "one line" to have been one that made me look good. But that isn't the point of what is written. In fact, the only perfect human is Jesus himself. The goal isn't my own glory, but God's glory. 

Paul summarized this well in his letter to Timothy, "I thank him who has given me strength, Christ Jesus our Lord, because he judged me faithful, appointing me to his service, though formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen." - Paul in 1 Timothy 1:12–17