Open Letter to an LGBTQ+ Affirming Church
In 2011, I attended a church whose theology was Bible based, and focus was on the love of Christ. They had two pastors, one man and one woman pastor who shared leadership of the congregation. Since then, the female pastor has become the head pastor. When the church became an LGBTQ+ affirming church a few years ago (January 2020), I prayed about writing a letter to them. I was completely heartbroken for the leaders, and especially for the congregation that may not know better. I couldn't shake the desire to reach out to them, maybe to somehow help them wake up. In preparing this letter, I happened to be reading Galatians at the time, and Galatians 6:1 stood out to me, instructing me to restore the one caught in a sin in a spirit of Gentleness. The following letter to the church were prepared over several weeks, the culmination of many hours spent in prayer, research, discussion with confidential wise advisors; supplemented with self-evaluation, repentance and prayers for humility (Gal 6:2-4). I prefaced it with a personal letter from me to the pastor, telling her how God had impacted me during the time I was at their church, using the people and teaching in my life. This letter does not even begin to scratch the surface of making a comprehensive Biblical case for God's definition of sexuality, I was careful not to include very many arguments, instead focusing on one strong claim that invited an answer. In her response, she did not refute my claim, which confirmed that no more evidence was necessary in this first letter. Any other arguments and claims would have been ignored as well. For a somewhat more comprehensive post going through more of the points on this topic, see this post, "Jesus and LGBTQ+ Identity".
OPEN LETTER TO MY CHURCH AFTER THEY BECAME LGBTQ+ AFFIRMING
Pastors, Elders, Deacons, and Leaders of the Church,
My name is Rebecca, and I used to attend your church for the year I lived near you back in 2012. I wanted to reach out to you regarding the stance your church has taken and teaches on sexuality. I believe your church now teaches that it is possible to follow Christ and affirm gay marriage and gender transitions as biblically acceptable for Christians. Please correct me if I am wrong in my understanding of your church’s theology. I know you haven't made this apparent U-Turn in your theological beliefs and teachings rashly, but for the sake of your congregation, please don't dismiss this as hate-mail. I have prayed about this letter, and I hope it is taken as intended, with concern and care for you. I hope to convey the truth in love and gentleness. I urge you to reconsider your stance based on the following points taken from Scripture: 1) loving our neighbor as ourselves requires us to tell them the truth; 2) scripture teaches that marriage is to be heterosexual, lifelong, and monogamous; and 3) the cost of following Christ is high but worth all our sacrifice.
Our call is to Love the LORD (YHWH) our God with all our heart, with all our mind, with all our soul, and with all our strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. As Christians, our desire to show compassion and reach out to our community is a godly thing when done for Him - but we cannot sacrifice the truth in doing so. God is perfectly compassionate and always truthful and trustworthy. In fact, presenting anything but the truth would be the opposite of compassionate or loving. What people end up with is a different gospel with a false Jesus.
Being a Christian requires great sacrifice of every person, but the gift received is of immeasurable value and worth it all. We know that following Jesus requires laying down our own life: not only dying for Jesus, but living for Him. Consider this passage of Scripture:
"Jesus said to him, 'If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.' When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions. And Jesus said to his disciples, 'Truly, I say to you, only with difficulty will a rich person enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.'" - Matthew 19:21–24.
Jesus was full of grace and truth. When the rich young ruler was confronted with the choice of loving God most, or loving his own belongings most, he sadly walked away. Notice that the man walks away sorrowful, and Jesus does not stop him and lower the cost. I fully believe the young man's desire to follow was genuine – he wanted to know how to get eternal life, but for him the cost was too great. Jesus let him walk away. He didn't lower the bar or make an exception. Yet he knew His followers would still sin. Many of His own disciples were still struggling with selfishness, the desire for power, and other sins even after following Him for years. But they made a choice to follow Him -- they told Jesus they had "left everything" to follow Him. He was worth giving up everything. For this young ruler, the cost was money - but the real cost was his heart, his worship. This man's master was the love of money. And we know that no one can serve two masters.
As Jesus says:
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also... No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money." - Jesus in Matthew 6:19–21, 24, (emphasis mine).
What is your master? Is it money? Is it pleasure? Is it happiness or being able to follow your dreams? Is it comfort? Is it acceptance, or community, or family? Is your master romantic relationships? Children? I struggle with serving my own comfort at times over serving God.
The cost of following Jesus is high. It may be a higher cost for some than for others. For some, much of the cost is up front. For others, they find out along the way that following Jesus costs more than they believed at first. I'm not always quick to obey Jesus. I am not a perfect follower. But by His grace, I am given an opportunity to choose to follow Him, to Love the LORD my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love my neighbor as myself.
Our culture's biggest idol perhaps is romantic relationships. Anyone who puts any relationship before Christ is in great danger. I remind myself of this often as well. One of the most challenging verses to me is from Matthew 10, "Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Jesus in Matthew 10:37–39, (emphasis mine).
I think you agree that God is not apathetic about us continuing in our sin. Jesus himself preached repentance. In addition, the Bible, (both the Old Testament and the New Testament), is clear that from the beginning that God made humans in His image, male and female. Jesus himself was clear that sexual activity is reserved for life-long, heterosexual, monogamous marriages. Marriage is not required, nor is it more holy. Anyone who is not in that kind of biblical marriage Jesus described is meant to be celibate. This teaching is found, among other places, in Matthew 19:1-12:
“Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, ‘Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?’ He answered, ‘Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.’ They said to him, ‘Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?’ He said to them, ‘Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.’ The disciples said to him, ‘If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.’ But he said to them, ‘Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.’” - Matthew 19:1–12
When asked about divorce, Jesus lays out the definition of marriage. This definition has three points:
Between a man and a woman
Moses allowed divorce because of your hardness of heart. But from the beginning… God made them male and female.
A man shall… hold fast to his wife.
Monogamous
A man shall… hold fast to his wife
the two shall become one flesh.
Life-long
A man shall… hold fast to his wife.
What God has joined together, let man not separate.
Jesus mentions two verses: Genesis 1:27, and Genesis 2:24. Jesus references Genesis 1 to say in the beginning, He who created them made male and female. He quotes Genesis 2 to say a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. If Jesus was only making a point about marriage being life-long and monogamous, he did not have to refer to Genesis 1:27 at all. Genesis 2:24 already makes those points, but Jesus intentionally references it and says, “male and female”.
Jesus is clear that marriage should be heterosexual, monogamous, and life-long, and that the alternative is celibacy.
Is celibacy only for those given a special call, and for others there can be heterosexual or homosexual marriage? No. In verses 10-12, Jesus talks about eunuchs, but we have already established that Jesus is not just talking about literal eunuchs (physically castrated men), because the disciples only speak of someone who is unmarried. In response, Jesus lists those who are eunuchs from birth, eunuchs made that way by others, and people who voluntarily become eunuchs for the kingdom of God. Jesus is making a point here that there are multiple reasons one may not get married and instead remain celibate. He is indicating that singleness does not make someone more or less holy, marriage is not a requirement in God’s kingdom, and He may also be clarifying that neither singleness nor marriage is the “easy” way. (Jesus is also not suggesting that someone physically castrate themselves here.)
If we believe celibacy is a gift ONLY to those who have been given this gift, what does someone do when they don’t feel they’ve been given the gift of celibacy but they haven’t met anyone who wants to marry them? Aren’t they meant to remain celibate? But according to this gift-only idea, why would celibacy be the default if it is only a gift and not a command for anyone who is not married? The fact is that it is a command for anyone who is not married. There are various reasons people may not marry. Single Christians (whether they are “called” to singleness or not), must remain ceilibate while they are unmarried.
Jesus sets out to answer their question on divorce: is marriage really meant to be life-long? Can a man divorce his wife for any reason? We know that Jesus is making clear that marriage was designed to be life-long. But life-long is not the only point Jesus was making. If we reduce this teaching just to the topic of “divorce” we ignore what Jesus said about marriage being between two people of the opposite sex. If we want to ignore “man and woman” there would be no reason we should not ignore Jesus specifying “the two” that become one flesh. If we interpret it this way, why restrict it to faithful gay-marriage? Why not multiple “friends with benefits,” group marriage, or caring promiscuity? What basis could there be to reject Jesus' “male and female” but keep the life-long and monogamous elements?
I understand the difficulty of the full weight of this passage. Some people have had very good intentions when looking at this passage and arguing it does not contain a prescription for sex/gender within marriage, but when we study the passage exegetically, that argument remains unconvincing. Again, Jesus is clear that marriage should be heterosexual, monogamous, and life-long, and that the alternative is celibacy.
None of us have been promised a spouse, and although we will not always be given what we want, God will give us our needs. Paul writes about his contentment in Philippians 4:11-19, encouraging the church at Philippi that God will supply their needs.
Consider the following difficult passages about following Jesus:
"For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul? For whoever is ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels." - Jesus in Mark 8:36–38, (emphasis mine).
We cannot be ashamed of Jesus’ words, even if we don’t understand the reasons behind His commands. (Reminds me of Proverbs 3:5-8)
"And Jesus answered them, 'The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life. If anyone serves me, he must follow me; and where I am, there will my servant be also. If anyone serves me, the Father will honor him.'" - John 12:23–26.
These are all hard sayings. And many days I have struggled to accept them myself. We can come to Jesus as we are. He does not require us to be without sin or fix ourselves before believing in Him. If that was a prerequisite, none of us would be able to come to Jesus because none of us can change in our own strength. But anyone wanting to say that Jesus will not ask you to lay down your own desires at His feet is deceiving you and themselves.
I have had times in my walk with Jesus where I realized I had a "master" other than Jesus. Once it was relationships. Then it was money and belongings. Then it was comfort. There will never be a Christian who does not struggle with having a "master" other than God. But when that other thing we are tempted to serve is revealed, how do we respond? Submit to Jesus? Or try to hold on and serve two masters (which Jesus says is impossible).
Having certain sexual desires or temptations is NOT a sin. Jesus himself was tempted, yet did not sin. The temptation is not the sin, but they sin if they give in to that desire either by lusting (ex: fantasizing) or in sexual acts outside of your one spouse of the opposite sex. Part of the confusion is the idea that our desires ARE our identity. If I am a woman who is attracted to women, then I AM a lesbian. And if God tells me I cannot act on these desires, then He is rejecting who I am. This is a lie. You may have these sexual desires, and perhaps you even have had them as long as you can remember. But anyone who becomes a Christian finds their identity in Christ first and foremost, and does not find their identity in their desires - sinful or not. Might the Christian still find themselves with homosexual desires? Of course. All of us are tempted.
So can "gay-oriented" people be Christian? Yes! Christians are tempted by desires of all kinds, just as Jesus Himself was tempted. But can someone who is in a homosexual relationship be Christian? If they continue in their relationship without repenting and ending the relationship, especially after other Christians have confronted them about it, there is a very real danger that they are deceiving themselves and Jesus is not their master. Their real master is probably their desire for a relationship or satisfaction.
I thank YHWH God that He has been patient with me. Often, I have had to take some time to weigh the cost of following Jesus as He has revealed more sin in my life. But we will eventually choose. How we live our lives will reveal who or what is our "true master" in life. The cost is high, but God is of greater worth than gold, and blessed is the one who gives up anything to follow Him. "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." - Jesus in Matthew 13:44. The man gets immeasurably more for his investment than it was worth. That is what the Kingdom is like. We may sell all we have, but the treasure in the field is of exponentially greater value. What a gift that God offers salvation to us, though we are not entitled or deserving of it! He gives it as a gift.
Lastly, think about this passage:
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell." - Jesus in Matthew 5:27–30.
Jesus is clear about sin, and He is serious about repentance. Jesus uses hyperbole to make a point: repentance is at times extreme. Repentance can require great sacrifice. Taking steps to take our sin seriously can be embarrassing, ostracizing, and extremely difficult. But it is better to repent even if we are embarrassed for being wrong, ostracized from society, and walking the difficult path, than to avoid all that and separate ourselves from God eternally. This warning is for all of us. But I thank God that He says repentance is a beautiful thing!
“I have not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance.” - Jesus in Luke 5:32.
“Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.” - Jesus in Luke 15:7.
“If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” - Jesus in Luke 17:3–4.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” - 1 John 1:9.
God is merciful. He describes himself to Moses, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” - Exodus 34:6-7.
Our Father is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness… and what a beautiful promise He has given us: if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Hallelujah, thank You, Jesus!
Praying for your discernment. Please let me know if there is anything you would like to discuss, I would be happy to meet up or to converse via email or phone. Either way, I’m looking forward to it.
In Hope,
Rebecca
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END OF LETTER
Unfortunately, the Pastor's response made clear that she was not willing to change. I wept upon reading her response, because she wasn't defensive or angry, but ignored reason in the letter, providing very few arguments of her own to back her opinion. I wanted to respond, but found it difficult to craft a response, and am convinced such a letter would not be received with an attitude willing to reason, to consider arguments, able to change. So I set it aside for several months, and then wrote online reviews for the church so that the public would be warned about the teaching. I pray for their repentance one day. But now I understand a little bit better Paul's letter to the Galatians and why he was so heartbroken, saying, "Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth? They [who want to convert you away from Christ] make much of you, but for no good purpose. They want to shut you out, that you may make much of them. It is always good to be made much of for a good purpose, and not only when I am present with you, my little children, for whom I am again in the anguish of childbirth until Christ is formed in you! I wish I could be present with you now and change my tone, for I am perplexed about you." - Paul in Galatians 4:16–20 (emphasis mine).
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